I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
worst night to have a conscience
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
