Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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