i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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