my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
