Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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