I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
