I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
