dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
