no, he came in my armpit
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
