Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
