Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
