Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
