why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
