i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
