God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
