So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
