I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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