You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
