Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
