Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
