there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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