i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
