So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just invented taco cereal.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
