I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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