i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
