I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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