During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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