we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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