that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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