The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You may now shotgun with the bride
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
