Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You took a bar mat shot.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
