He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
