You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
