If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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