Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
