my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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