Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you never un-have a 4some
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
