Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
