once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
