so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want her autograph on my taint
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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