you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
