Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
