Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
