how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
