i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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