I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
