I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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