i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
