If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My bed smells like the plague
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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