I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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