Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
