I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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