I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
