He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
