are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
