i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
